How to Bathe a 200 lb. Dog

 

 

1.  Get every towel in the linen closet you can find (including the beach towels) and take them upstairs  He’s a big dog.

 

    Remember that

 

2. Put on your swimsuit, rain hat, rain coat, rain boots, waders, etc.

 

2. Go to McDonald's and get a 20 piece Chicken McNugget Meal. Make it Biggie Size.

 

Don’t use the Drive Thru it takes too long. You may get some snickers, stares, and jaw drops but once you explain the situation they will understand.

 

Trust me on that one

 

3. Eat 10 Nuggets in front of the colossal puppy and watch his drool slowly drip to the floor. Save the drink for later your going to need it.

 

4. Coax said gargantuan pooch up the long stairs to the second floor.

 

    This may take a while, be patient.

 

5. After about an hour and a half of groveling to your sweet stubborn pup you may need to call in reinforcements.

 

           recruit children, other adults in the house, your friends down the street.

 

6. Spend 20 minutes watching everyone make fools of themselves trying to bribe your precious elephantine companion up the stairs.

 

Be sure to snicker, point, and laugh. Oh and don’t forget to take pictures (make sure you remember to put the flash card in the camera first). Just say’n.

 

7.  After determining that this task is going to take all night. Ask said children, friends, resident professional wrestler,etc, to  pick your angelic canine and carry him up the stairs.

 

Be careful! He will wiggle free and you will have to start over.

 

8.  Now, the trick is getting your filthy dog into the bathtub. Commence the bribing again. This time use the French Fries.

 

It’s going to take a little bit of ingenuity but you’ll figure it out eventually.

 

9. After much pulling and pushing from all direction you finally decide that getting in the bathtub with said animal works best.

 

You may need some extra hands. Two to keep him from getting out, two to mop your face as you bathe him. The person holding him should be in the bathtub too. It just won’t work being on the outside.

 

And make sure your helpers have their swimsuits and rain gear on.

 

10. Wet dog

 

Make sure you close the shower curtain at every step to avoid having to wipe down the walls, ceiling, and floor . . .

 

11. Lather, Rinse, Repeat

 

12.  Lay about ten towels on the floor so your furry member of the family won’t slide all over the place.

 

Note: A sliding 200 lb dog is not a pretty site and may result in some bruises.

 

13. Cover your face and let your pooch shake to his heart’s content.  You wouldn’t want doggie drool to smack you in the face while he’s shedding the excess water.

 

Trust me on that. . .

 

Seriously

 

13. Coax your now squeaky clean horse down the stairs and onto the back porch to dry in front of the heater.

 

14. Take a shower and contemplate bathing your dog in the warmer months only

 

15. Make sure you mop up all the water on the stairs and the first floor. You wouldn’t want to fall on your butt coming down the stairs. . . you have enough bruises to deal with.

 

16. Sit on the couch the rest of the evening and drink your soda. You deserve it!

 

 

A Job well done . . .

 

 

Tiffanie

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